Giving Objects to Heirs

An estate planner I work with said “There are two outcomes to giving objects to heirs: 1. They don’t want them. 2. They fight over them.” So how can you avoid these two unfortunate outcomes?

If anyone of these following mental conditions apply to YOU, you need to think about this now:

a. The kids and me discussed independently who wants what; no plan exists yet.
b. The kids really don’t know why certain objects are family heirlooms.
c. My heirs don’t want anything.
d. I’m moving and the kids don’t want to know.
e. I prepared a will simply saying, ‘divide the stuff among the kids.’
f. The kids and I have different tastes and I bet they have no idea what my “junk” is worth.
g. I thought about planning for the valuable things, but to get started I must face unloading SO MUCH EXTRA STUFF.

We’ve seen friends and family leave the planet recently, so mortality stays on our minds, along with the realization that life may be short. Many of my clients ask me what to do RIGHT NOW about pulling together a plan for “estate distribution.”

WAYS TO GET STARTED THIS WEEKEND:

1. Make an inventory and make it easy by recording a narrated TOUR around your home.
2. Without going through the kitchen drawers to weed out the “extra” detritus (your junk), make a narrative video of ONLY your very best stuff. Either send it to all the kids, without stating a dollar figure value, or give it to your executor.
3. Hire me to write an appraisal “equitable distribution” where we list all your best stuff and send THAT to all of your heirs for selection purposes, with or without dollar figures stated.
4. Write an informal letter of distribution and hope your wishes don’t cause problems, and your wishes are followed. Tape names on the back of valuable objects and hope one daughter in law doesn’t rip them off (you know who I’m talking about….).
5. Make ONE separate video of JUST the sentimental objects and why they matter to you and the family.
6. Make an intro video that indicates to your family the difference between VALUE and WORTH of certain objects. (To illustrate this big point, two sisters I counseled fought irreconcilably over mom’s egg cup, valued at $2. Mom should’ve explained to them that she always hated eggs!)
7. Try your hardest not to let the small stuff matter. The less significant the object, the more physical space it occupies. Forget about giving masses of things to Goodwill at this point. Concentrate on the BEST objects FIRST. Leave the JUNK for the kids because they usually don’t fight over THAT; they typically hire someone to liquidate.
8. IF you send a narrated video and you hear nothing from your kids, or you hear moans, or nobody wants anything, or just a few things, now you know the monstrosity of the task ahead. Then PLAN to donate, sell, foist objects on friends either NOW or when you leave the planet.

Why THIS matters to you and your HEIR:

When emotions run high after a death, and when large dollar figures are added to the emotional climate, siblings who loved each other suddenly do NOT.

Since you’re reading, you’re currently ON the planet, with the opportunity to create a letter of intent. Better yet, meet with your estate attorney to formalize a method of giving valuables to your heirs. They may suggest an appraisal for Valuable items for a few salient reasons.

A disclaimer that I’m NOT a tax or estate attorney:

1. Certain bequests may go into your will either generally or specifically, and there’s “residue” language too. How to divide up the general gifts in a Will? My estate attorney suggested a basis of distribution which involved “pulling straws!” There’s also the age first basis, or “only the grandkids get to choose” basis….”
2. Selling valuable items with proceeds distributed as part of your estate comes with consequences.
3. A memorandum of valued property may be referenced in your Will; estate attorneys are invaluable in a discussion of such a plan, which may include a conversation about transferring valuable objects into a Living Trust.
4. You may want to donate to a charity as well as give objects to your heirs, and that needs legal or tax professional help to do so after you leave the planet.
5. Of course, discuss with your professionals giving objects now whilst on the planet….

Finally, think about what YOU consider fair, and what the kids might consider as fair. My mom, for years, sent the SAME gift amount each holiday to each of us, even though one brother is so wealthy he doesn’t need any gifts. That seems fair to her. Another relative of mine, with a disabled child, heaps gifts upon that child, and that seems fair to everyone in her family. Another client of mine thinks it fair to give the bad paintings to the son who never calls, and the great ones to the kids that DO.

Equitable is different than fair. And there’s a whole class of objects called ‘treasured possessions’ that have a different valuation methodology. Those are the objects, like the egg cup referred to above that broke up the warmth between two sisters forever, that really cause problems. Those objects are symbols of love and concern. You may say, “who cares? I won’t be around!” But who knows, you might hear the turmoil from wherever you happen to end up. And when did you ever let your kids sort important matters out and not worry later? Ha!